Safety planning

Why safety planning matters

The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is often when you’re leaving or have just left. Abuse frequently escalates at this point. Planning ahead can help you stay safer.

A safety plan isn’t just for leaving – it’s also useful while you’re still in the relationship and after you’ve left.

Important: Keep your safety plan secret from your abuser. Store it somewhere safe or memorise key parts.

If you’re staying (for now)

Not everyone is ready or able to leave immediately. That’s okay. You can still take steps to increase your safety.

During an incident

• Trust your instincts – they’ve kept you alive
• Try to move to a room with an exit if possible
• Avoid the kitchen (knives) and bathroom (hard surfaces, no exit)
• If you can’t escape, make yourself small and protect your head
• Don’t fight back unless there’s no other choice – it may escalate violence
• If children are present, teach them to go to a safe place

Preparing in advance

Tell someone: Let a trusted friend, family member, or neighbour know what’s happening. Agree a code word that means “call the police.”

Keep a phone accessible: Have a charged phone hidden where you can reach it. Programme emergency numbers.

Know where to go: Identify a safe place you could go in an emergency (friend, family, refuge).

Keep essentials ready: Have a bag packed with essentials (see checklist below) hidden somewhere safe or at a friend’s house.

Document abuse: Keep a record of incidents (dates, what happened, injuries). Store this securely outside the home if possible – email to yourself, use a trusted friend, or contact a support service.

Save money if you can: Even small amounts. Keep it hidden or in a separate account your abuser doesn’t know about.

Technology safety

Abusers often monitor technology. Be careful with:

• Your phone (calls, messages, location tracking)
• Computers and tablets (browsing history, emails)
• Social media accounts
• Apps that share location
• Smart home devices

Consider:

• Using a friend’s phone or library computer for sensitive searches
• Clearing browsing history (but be aware an empty history can be suspicious)
• Checking for tracking apps or spyware on your phone
• Getting a secret pay-as-you-go phone

If you’re planning to leave

Things to gather (if safe to do so)

Essential documents:

• Passports (yours and children’s)
• Birth certificates
• National Insurance number
• Immigration documents
• Driving licence
• Benefit letters
• Bank details
• Marriage certificate

Practical items:

• Money and bank cards
• Phone and charger
• Keys (house, car)
• Medication
• Glasses/contact lenses
• Essential clothing
• Children’s comfort items

Evidence of abuse (if safe):

• Photographs of injuries
• Medical records
• Police reports
• Diary of incidents

Don’t delay leaving if gathering these items puts you at risk. Documents can be replaced.

Where to go

Refuge: Safe, temporary accommodation with support. Call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) to find a space.

Friends or family: If they’re somewhere your abuser won’t find you or won’t go.

Hotel: As a short-term option if you have money.

Local council: Has a duty to help if you’re homeless due to domestic abuse.

Telling your abuser

This is a personal decision. Some people:

• Leave without warning (often safest)
• Tell their abuser in a public place
• Leave a note
• Have someone else tell them

Trust your instincts about what’s safest for your situation.

Involving the police

You can:

• Report abuse to the police
• Ask them to be present while you collect belongings
• Apply for a non-molestation order through the courts

You don’t have to involve the police, but it creates a record and can provide protection.

After you’ve left

Leaving doesn’t automatically mean you’re safe. Continue to take precautions.

Immediate steps

• Change your phone number
• Update passwords on all accounts
• Tell children’s school about the situation
• Inform your workplace
• Register with the post office to redirect mail
• Consider a non-molestation order

Ongoing safety

• Vary your routines
• Be aware of who’s around you
• Trust your instincts
• Keep your location private on social media
• Be cautious about mutual friends sharing information
• Consider the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (Clare’s Law) if entering a new relationship

If your abuser contacts you

• Don’t engage – any response (even angry) may encourage more contact
• Keep records of all contact attempts
• Report breaches of any court orders to police
• Tell your support worker or solicitor

Safety planning with children

If you have children:

• Teach them how to call 999
• Agree a code word that means “hide” or “go to a neighbour”
• Have a plan for collecting them from school quickly if needed
• Tell the school about the situation
• Keep their routine as normal as possible after leaving

Children’s safety is important, but don’t stay purely “for the children” – witnessing abuse is harmful to them too.

Getting help with safety planning

Specialist domestic abuse services can help you create a detailed safety plan:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24/7) Women’s Aid Survivors’ Handbook: Free online resource Your local domestic abuse service: Can provide in-person support

You don’t have to do this alone.