Looking after your mental health

Divorce and mental health

Research consistently shows that divorce is one of life’s most stressful events. It’s common to experience:

• Anxiety and worry
• Low mood and depression
• Sleep problems
• Difficulty concentrating
• Loss of appetite (or comfort eating)
• Physical symptoms (headaches, stomach problems)
• Irritability and anger
• Exhaustion

These reactions are normal responses to a genuinely difficult situation. Most people recover as they adjust to their new circumstances.

However, divorce can also trigger or worsen more serious mental health conditions. It’s important to recognise when normal distress becomes something requiring professional help.

Looking after yourself day-to-day

Physical basics

Mental and physical health are connected. The basics matter:

Sleep: Try to maintain regular sleep patterns even when it’s difficult. Avoid screens before bed. Don’t drink alcohol to help you sleep (it makes sleep quality worse).

Eating: Eat regular meals, even if you don’t feel like it. Aim for some nutritious food, though the occasional comfort food is fine too.

Movement: Physical activity is one of the most effective ways to improve mood. Even a daily walk makes a difference. You don’t need to run marathons.

Limit substances: Alcohol, drugs, and excessive caffeine can worsen anxiety and depression. Be mindful of how much you’re using to cope.

Mental strategies

Accept your feelings: Trying to suppress emotions often backfires. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, without judgement.

Practice self-compassion: Speak to yourself as you would a friend. You’re going through something hard – kindness helps.

Limit rumination: Endlessly replaying what went wrong keeps you stuck. When you notice yourself spiralling, try to redirect your attention.

Focus on what you can control: You can’t control your ex’s behaviour or the legal process. Focus energy on what you can influence.

Take breaks from divorce: You can’t think about divorce 24/7. Give yourself permission to enjoy other things.

Connection

Stay connected to others: Isolation worsens mental health. Maintain relationships, even when you don’t feel like it.

Ask for help: Tell trusted people how you’re feeling. Let them support you.

Avoid toxic people: Some people make you feel worse. It’s okay to limit contact with them during this time.

Routine and structure

Maintain routines: When everything feels chaotic, routines provide stability.

Set small goals: Achieving small things builds confidence.

Keep doing things you enjoy: Or at least try. Pleasure often follows action, not the other way around.

Recognising when you need more help

Signs to watch for

Consider seeking professional help if:

• Low mood or anxiety persists for weeks without improvement
• You’re unable to function at work or care for yourself
• You’re having thoughts of suicide or self-harm
• You’re using alcohol or drugs heavily to cope
• You’re experiencing panic attacks
• Sleep problems are severe and persistent
• You feel hopeless about the future
• Others are expressing concern about you

Depression

Depression is more than sadness. Signs include:

• Persistent low mood most of the time
• Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
• Changes in appetite and weight
• Sleep problems
• Fatigue and low energy
• Difficulty concentrating
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Thoughts of death or suicide

If you recognise these symptoms lasting more than two weeks, please seek help.

Anxiety

Anxiety is more than worry. Signs include:

• Constant worry that’s hard to control
• Feeling on edge or restless
• Physical symptoms (racing heart, sweating, nausea)
• Panic attacks
• Avoiding situations that trigger anxiety
• Sleep problems
• Difficulty concentrating

Post-traumatic stress

If your marriage involved abuse or trauma, you might experience:

• Flashbacks or intrusive memories
• Nightmares
• Avoiding reminders of the trauma
• Feeling numb or detached
• Being easily startled
• Hypervigilance

This requires specialist support.

Where to get help

Your GP

Your doctor can:

• Assess your mental health
• Prescribe medication if appropriate
• Refer you to NHS talking therapies
• Refer to specialist mental health services if needed
• Sign you off work if necessary

Don’t be embarrassed. GPs see mental health problems every day.

NHS Talking Therapies

Free psychological therapy through the NHS. You can self-refer (don’t need GP referral). Search “NHS talking therapies [your area]” or visit the NHS website.

Waiting times vary but are often several weeks.

Private therapy

Faster access but you pay. See our guide to finding a counsellor.

Crisis support

If you’re in crisis:

• Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7, free)
• NHS 111: Option 2 for mental health crisis
• A&E: If you’re at immediate risk
• Crisis team: If you’re under mental health services

Medication

For some people, medication helps manage depression or anxiety during the divorce period. This might be:

• Antidepressants (for depression and some anxiety)
• Anti-anxiety medication (for severe anxiety)
• Sleep medication (short-term for severe insomnia)

Medication isn’t right for everyone, and it’s a personal decision. Discuss the options with your GP.

Medication often works best combined with therapy.

Supporting your mental health long-term

Recovery from divorce takes time – typically 1-2 years for most people to feel significantly better. During this period:

• Be patient with the process
• Celebrate small improvements
• Don’t compare your recovery to others
• Build new sources of meaning and connection
• Consider what you’ve learned about yourself

Most people do recover and go on to build fulfilling lives after divorce.