Counselling and therapy

Types of counselling

Individual counselling

One-to-one sessions focused on your personal experience. This might help you:

• Process the emotional impact of divorce
• Understand patterns in your relationships
• Develop coping strategies
• Work through anger, grief, or guilt
• Build confidence for the future
• Manage anxiety and depression

Couples counselling

Even during divorce, couples counselling can be valuable for:

• Improving communication about practical matters
• Working through final issues constructively
• Developing a co-parenting relationship
• Gaining closure

This isn’t about saving the marriage (unless both want that) – it’s about ending it as well as possible.

Family therapy

Helps families, including children, adjust to separation. Can address:

• How to talk to children about divorce
• Children’s emotional responses
• New family dynamics
• Blended family challenges later

Relationship coaching

Less about processing past trauma, more about practical skills:

• Communication strategies
• Conflict resolution
• Co-parenting plans
• Moving forward after divorce

Approaches to therapy

Different therapists use different approaches:

Person-centred: The therapist provides a supportive environment for you to explore your feelings at your own pace.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Focuses on changing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours. Often shorter-term and goal-focused.

Psychodynamic: Explores how past experiences (including childhood) influence current feelings and relationships.

Integrative: Combines elements of different approaches tailored to your needs.

EMDR: Particularly helpful for processing traumatic experiences, including abusive relationships.

There’s no single “best” approach – what matters is finding something that works for you.

Where to find a counsellor

NHS

Free therapy is available through the NHS, but waiting times can be long (weeks to months).

Self-referral: You can refer yourself directly to NHS Talking Therapies without going through your GP. Search “NHS talking therapies [your area]” or visit the NHS website.

Through your GP: Your doctor can also refer you, particularly for more complex needs.

NHS therapy is typically short-term (6-12 sessions) and may be CBT-focused.

Private therapists

More flexibility and shorter waiting times, but you pay.

Typical costs: £40-£100 per session, depending on:

• Location (London is more expensive)
• Therapist’s experience and qualifications
• Type of therapy
• Whether in-person or online

Where to search:

• BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy): bacp.co.uk
• Counselling Directory: counselling-directory.org.uk
• UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy): psychotherapy.org.uk

Charity and low-cost options

Some organisations offer free or reduced-cost counselling:

• Relate: Relationship counselling on a sliding scale based on income
• Local counselling charities: Many areas have low-cost counselling services
• Training organisations: Trainee therapists offer supervised sessions at reduced rates
• Employee assistance programmes: Check if your employer offers free counselling sessions

What to look for in a therapist

Qualifications

Check that your therapist:

• Is registered with a professional body (BACP, UKCP, HCPC, or similar)
• Has relevant training and qualifications
• Is bound by a code of ethics
• Has professional indemnity insurance

Registration means there’s a complaints process if something goes wrong.

Experience

Look for someone with experience in:

• Divorce and separation
• Relationship issues
• The specific issues you’re facing (anxiety, depression, trauma, etc.)

Fit

The relationship with your therapist matters as much as their approach. Consider:

• Do you feel comfortable with them?
• Do they listen and understand?
• Do you feel safe being honest?
• Is there mutual respect?

It’s okay to try a few therapists before committing. Most offer an initial consultation.

What to expect

First session

The first session is usually about:

• Getting to know each other
• Understanding why you’re seeking help
• Discussing what you hope to achieve
• Agreeing how you’ll work together
• Practical matters (frequency, fees, cancellation policy)

Ongoing sessions

Sessions typically last 50-60 minutes and happen weekly or fortnightly.

You might:

• Talk about your current feelings and situation
• Explore past experiences
• Learn and practise new strategies
• Work towards specific goals

Some sessions feel helpful immediately; others are more challenging. Progress isn’t always linear.

How long does therapy take?

This varies enormously:

• Short-term therapy: 6-12 sessions for specific issues
• Medium-term: Several months for deeper work
• Longer-term: A year or more for complex issues

There’s no “right” length. You and your therapist will discuss what’s appropriate.

Making the most of therapy

Be honest

Therapy works best when you’re open about what’s really going on. Your therapist isn’t there to judge you.

Do the work

If your therapist suggests exercises or tasks between sessions, try them. Therapy isn’t passive – your effort matters.

Be patient

Change takes time. Don’t expect everything to be fixed in a few sessions.

Give feedback

If something isn’t working, say so. A good therapist will welcome feedback and adjust their approach.

Keep going through difficult bits

Therapy sometimes gets harder before it gets better. Stick with it through the uncomfortable parts.

If it’s not working

If therapy doesn’t feel helpful after several sessions:

1. Raise it with your therapist – they may be able to adjust
2. Consider whether a different approach might suit you better
3. Try a different therapist

Not every therapist is right for every person. It’s okay to make a change.